Should I Find Someone I Have Lost Touch With Or Never Met?

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telescopeFind Someone I Have Lost Touch With

This week’s article – Should I find someone I have lost touch with or never met? is written to help you decide if you should find that missing someone.

About the Author

My name is David Oates, I am the Head Researcher at Relative Connections, you can view my LinkedIn by clicking here. I am also the director of the adoption support agency which is regulated by Ofsted. I am a highly regarded and experienced family tracer and intermediary. I have spoken about finding long lost family on BBC Radio 5 and was part of the featured team on BBC1’s Family Finders TV series.

We’ve written extensively about how to find a lost relative or old friend but not much on if you should. So here is some help and guidance on if you should find them and what you can hope to achieve.

So, Should I find someone I have lost touch with or never met?

The short answer to the question is…

Yes, you should. At least yes you should consider it.

This article can help you answer any of the following questions,

Should i find my biological father?

Should I find my birth parents?

Should I find my old friend?

Should I find my long-lost family?

Let’s get started

When it comes to finding a lost relative or old friend there is lots to consider. One of the things we talk about with our clients is intent. What is your intent when you are looking for your person?


See synonyms for: intent / intents / intently / intentness on

Definition of intent


something that is intended; purpose; design; intention: The original intent of the committee was to raise funds.

the act or fact of intending, as to do something: criminal intent.

Law. the state of a person’s mind that directs his or her actions toward a specific object.

Put simple, what is your aim?

It could be one of the following reasons.

  1. Friendship
  2. Romance
  3. To apologise
  4. To give something back
  5. To find something out
  6. To discover who you are

All these reasons are valid and would be described as having good intent.

Maybe these reasons,

  1. To hurt someone
  2. To seek revenge
  3. To give someone a piece of your mind

These would be described as having less good intent.

So, to go back to the original question, should I find someone I have lost touch with or never met?

A better answer would be yes if you have good intentions.

Let’s presume you do. If you don’t, we would encourage you to not find your person and to instead seek counselling to overcome these negative emotions.

If you have good intentions the next thing to think about are outcomes.

Outcomes of a search for someone

Possible outcomes could be,

  1. You find your person and they want contact with you
  2. You find your person and they don’t want contact with you for a particular reason.
  3. You can’t find your person
  4. They have passed away.

Obviously, some of these outcomes are less desirable than the others. They can happen. So, it is important to make sure that you and your family can deal with these possible outcomes.

Do you feel prepared to find your someone?

When it comes to finding someone, you need to feel prepared.

It is really a good sign that you have looked for information to help you make the right choice for you.

The person writing this works for a people tracing company, so this next comment might surprise you.

Do NOT search for a person if you have any doubts.

Once you decide to find and contact someone things come out of the box that might never go back in.

Questions that have never had an answer might get answered though.

So, as you are probably feeling this is a big decision.

How to make the right decision

Speak to people you know, like and trust. People who will give you good advice. If you want, you can speak to us. We’ll help you make the right choice.

We want committed clients who have made the decision to look for someone. That means there is little point is us persuading people to use our service.

We say,

When you are ready to find them, we are ready to help.

You could try writing a pros and cons list too.

Ultimately though, you have to decide. You have to live with the consequence of both choosing to find them or choosing not to.

A few stories about finding someone

We have lots of stories where both these decisions were right, and both were wrong.

We had a potential client who contacted us about 7 years ago. They decided not to find their dad. 2 years ago, they decided to do it. Their Dad died 2 years before.

Another client found that their Mum just wasn’t interested in getting to know her.

Don’t let these stories put you off though, they have no bearing on your own story. Every search is unique.

We could tell you about the daughter who found her dad and they went to Disney World together. Or the client who found his first love through us and they got married.

As you know life is full of the unexpected.

So, decide. Decide if and when finding someone is right for you.

We can help you to decide or once you have

Once you have decided. If you wanted our help. We would love to be the people to emotionally support you on your journey. We’ll find your person and arrange contact.

More importantly we’ll provide you with as much as little support as you need to ensure the best outcome for you.

If you have your own family and friends, then we would always encourage you to speak to them.

We often ask our emotional clients for a secondary contact so we can liaise with them if the going gets tough for our client.

Other people breeze through the whole process. They seem able to deal with the outcome. We support them too though.

There are so many reasons why you may have lost touch with or never met your person.

Too many reasons to mention here. From forced adoptions to family breakups, from misunderstanding to lost phone numbers and addresses.

We are all living life and sometimes it just gets in the way.

So, when you are ready, we are ready. Until then. Good luck making your decision.

Thank you for reading – Should I find someone I have lost touch with or never met?